Saturday, February 25, 2012


I still look 5 months pregnant....someone come punch me in the face.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

My sweet baby looks so different now. Its amazing what 2 months will do.

I feel like I could talk all night. Talk until my face turns blue. Tell you how I feel. Let you know exactly what I need from you and still you don't hear me. I am angry. I don't understand. You should be my person; but you're not. I am tired, lonely. Most of all, I am heartbroken. I am still an after thought, an "oh now I have to do this" check in the box. I sit here by myself writing this, and I feel guilty. I feel guilty for feeling this way; for needing you. Because I know you are busy, and you work hard. You work so hard there isn't much left. And as guilty as I feel, I know that I need more than you give. How do you fix something not everyone feels is broken?

Monday, February 13, 2012

Maker of messes

Makin' messes like that's his job :)

My blue eyed boy

He loves his mommy :)

Photo bomb! :)

Pre-bedtime snuggles :) Best part of the day

Sunday, February 12, 2012


 I feel like I say the same things over and over; do the same things over and over and still, I expect a different result. I tend to hold things in until something relatively minor happens and I lose my cool. And by lose my cool I mean cry. I hate that. It is so WEAK. When I'm really happy, really sad, angry; anything that involves a lot of emotion equals water works and I HATE it. It is hard to make a legitimate argument, be taken seriously if you're blubbering. How do you fix that? There are lots of ways to work on weakness, but how do you stop the waterworks?

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Where has the time gone?

My sweet baby Drew is 7 months old today. It is so crazy how fast time goes. I think about how much he has changed and it is truly incredible! Here are a few facts about my big boy :)

-He loves to eat (as I'm sure you can tell by his slim figure lol)
-He weights in at about 20 lbs and wears 9 month clothes
-No teeth yet, but I keep checking!
-He has no desire to be mobile yet, he will roll to his side to reach something but that's about all the effort he cares to put in :)
-He can sit up for about 30 seconds and then falls over or slowly falls forward
-He is always happy and is full of smiles :)
-He says momma ba-ba da-da but doesnt associate them with anything yet (soon I hope!!)
-Sleeps through the night about 11/12 hours (he's done this since about 6 months)
-Face lights up and his whole body wiggles when you come into his room after a nap or when he wakes up in the morning, cutest thing ever! I hardley ever wake up to crying anymore, he just talks untill I hear him and is all smiles!

I love my little chunk :)

Brushfire fairytales and Bubblie toes

Joel would so NOT appreciate this picture, but hes just so cute! And he doesn't look like he minds much! ;)

I love this face! :) And I love my blue toes! I always get pink/red, sometimes an occasional coral but always in that family so this time I decided to do something different. After they were all done (and awesome!) they reminded me of one of my best friends when I was younger. She was crazy and sweet and so caring and loved crazy things like sparklie blue toes! :) We used to listen to Jack Johnson at the pool and stay up talking for hours about of course boys! I miss her, I moved summer before 10th grade and we stayed friends but gradually lost touch. I think about her sometimes, and hope she is happy and well. Those were good times, carefree and happy.

 "Slow down everyone you're movin too fast, frames cant catch you when your movin like that"

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

seperation anxiety

Yeah you are probably thinking Andrew, but no I'm talking about me. This is day two of Joel's two week DET (don't ask me what that stands for because I don't know, but it means hes training) and I already want him to come home :( It just sucks sleeping alone, it's hard to sleep without him and I just keep thinking this is only two weeks. He is deploying again in the fall and I am just dreading it. It's a good thing but I really like having him around! lol And I just don't even want to think about not having him here again. It feels like he just got home and they are already gearing up for the next one!
On a happier note, I got to spend all day with two of my best girlfriends :) We went for a run, then they treated me to lunch at Panera and a pedicure. I have some awesome friends out here. I really don't think I would make it without all the help and support I get from my friends. Thanks ladies, for being awesome!
On a sad "I'm a terrible mom" note Andrew fell off a bed today for the first time. I was at a friends house and wanted to put him down for a nap, so I just took him upstairs and laid him on her bed. He has never fallen off anything before and I figured he would be fine (stupid!) As I was shutting the door I thought to myself I really should lay him on the floor....nah he'll be fine (stupid!) About half an hour later we hear a thump! and sure enough my poor baby was laying on the floor. I felt like such a terrible mom. Her bed isn't very high, only about a foot off the floor. And he wasn't hurt just scared. I still felt like the worst mom in the world. And I know, I am rational; I know I am not the worst mom in the world, that he is fine and its happened to everyone at least once BUT I still feel so horrible. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. My sweet little trusting baby, and I let him down.  I picked him up,  he was crying, but  he looked up at my face and calmed. And it broke my heart. I love this little boy.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Monday, February 6, 2012

25 years young

Its official I am an old lady. I can't believe I am 25, I know some will call me crazy but that feels pretty old! I just dont know where the time goes. It was awesome to have Joel home with me this year to celebrate with. He surprised me with a night away downtown Saturday night at the Hyatt, and a massage at the spa they have there. It was awesome! I felt so special :) I'll admit I was sad to leave my little Andrew even for just one night but he was in the great hands of some close friends of ours and he is such a sweet easy going baby that I knew he would be fine. The view at the Hyatt is phenomenal, you can see the whole city, Coronado, everything! Pictures you ask? Yeah we didnt take any, we suck. We came home Sunday after breakfast and I was so happy to see my little babe :) We just stayed home Sunday and watched the game. Joel got me a cute princess cake, he said he saw it and had to get it for me lol so sweet. Overall such a great weekend, life is just so busy that it was nice to have a whole weekend for love and family :) I am so grateful for my boys.
I dont have any pictures from this weekend but I do have some cute ones of Andrew! :)
On a five mile beach walk with my baby and bff Kelli (shes taking the picture)
 My sweet Andrew loves his puppy :)

 Baby man boobs hahahahahahaha
 After nap time snuggles with mom :)
 My new BOB!!!! THanks mom and dad! (its kind of sad what you want for your birthday after you become a mom!)
 Yummy strawberries from the Johnsons! Thanks guys! They were great, and only lasted one day. DONT JUDGE ME!
 Angel baby
My princess cake!